hotel room ftw
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
