So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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