Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
