I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize