omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
