My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
