I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
