he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
