Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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