I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
