There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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