A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
