My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
