remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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