It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
