This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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