so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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