I must be too annoying 4 u.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
