ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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