she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
