I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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