My balls are so social today.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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