I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
