my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
