I'm going to jail i love you
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
