Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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