you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
