They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
