my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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