i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You dont lie about slip and slides
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
