he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize