guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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