Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
