i think i have herpe
just one?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
