Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
