Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
