I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
