3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
