So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
