I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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