By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Randomize
