I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
