my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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