You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
