did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Two words: blizzard sex
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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