this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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