Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
