i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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