Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
