She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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