just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize