He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
