your parents love me but you hate me
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
