Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
