I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
