Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize