i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
