i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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