i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
