Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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