And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
