there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
