Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
