Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
